Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
