It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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