You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
