Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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