I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
last night I used snow as a chaser
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
