1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
