The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
