So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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