i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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