i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
