I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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