Already got asked if we're dating
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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