Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
