Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
