so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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