You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
