I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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