Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
