This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
