guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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