Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
