Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
