He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
