Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
