dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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