You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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