we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
