So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
3 2 1 whiskey
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
