brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
