You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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