How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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