i barfeds in our rink
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
