I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
nutella sex= disaster
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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