I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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