Apparently you make a good broom.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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