I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
