My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
