a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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