every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
