I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
