i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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