my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
