He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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