i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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