JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sorry about my life...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
