I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
