i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
