I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it glows. i had to have it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He better not be in your backpack
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
