I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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