The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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