i wish there were pregnant emoticons
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
