Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
