i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
