We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
