she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
