I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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