I never want to see another naked old woman again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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