Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
