ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
