Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize