somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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