I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
