This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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