I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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