After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
