one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
