69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
