im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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