i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
