I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Randomize
