sarcasm needs its own font
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
