My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
