I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
barbara walters just said penis...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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