Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
