I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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