She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
